How Self Reflection Can Overcome Failure

I know that when I took psychology class in university there was something about this kind of thing, but I recently discovered it in my own life, so I thought I’d give you the non-textbook version. It’s the second time that I’ve seen it play out, so I know that it is real and I’m begriming to understand it well enough to express it.

At the bare bones level it goes something like this:

1. Jon sets a goal to do something
2. Jon starts taking massive action towards his goal
3. Something painful or uncomfortable happens during the process of working towards the goal
4. Jon loses interest in the original goal
5. Jon sets a goal to do something else

The truth is that it has happened more than twice. In fact it has probably happened dozens of times in my life; the same cycle.

Awareness is the Key

What has happened twice is that I’ve become aware of relationship between number 3 and numbers 4 & 5.

I was watching Mark Knopfler on TV and was thinking about what it took to reach the level of success that he had attained.

Clearly a large part of it was sustained focused action; in short he practiced the playing guitar and writing songs a lot.

Here’s My Version of the Psych 101 Part

I know now that there is a part of my brain/mind/psyche that is just doing it’s job. As a kid I fell down the stairs. I learned that attempting to run down stairs while not paying attention was not really smart. If a kid touches the stove their brain begins to warn them about touching things that are hot.

There is a part of ourselves that is trained to avoid pain…it’s just doing it’s job.

Unfortunately, through our (mis)guidance, this defensive mechanism has become deformed. For whatever reason, I’ve trained this part of myself to intensely attempt to have me avoid so called painful experiences, even in situations that are actually necessary for learning or working towards success.

Off the top of my head I can’t think of one good reason to consciously avoid emotional pain or discomfort. While avoiding physical pain may save your life, avoiding emotional pain only inhibits it.

Re-Train the Brain

Now that I can see what has happened I do have hope that I can finally re-train my defense system and that it will allow me to go forward and begin to achieve longer term goals. I crave to be able to work through projects or situations that require taking a punch or two.

In my mind that’s where the real gold in life is.

It’s worth it to examine the patterns in your life and to gently question the root causes. This particular pain protection mechanism is common with money and work issues, but also shows up a lot in relationships. As soon as it gets uncomfortable people numb out or begin to blame the other person; looking for a way out.

The riches in life go to the folks who can sustain long term energy towards a goal or dream, so figuring out why you can’t or won’t is an extremely valuable undertaking.

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