Art Of Money

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This article is about a simple discovery that I made. By asking myself a straightforward question I was able to easy archive my goal and learn an important lesson about how what you ask for actually will determine the reality you experience.

My New Condo = Party Central?

A few days ago my wife and I moved into a condo. Our first purchase, we love it despite the added pressure of having a rather large mortgage. Last night was the first night that things seemed ‘normal’ and I went to bed around 11pm. At about 1:30am the upstairs neighbors arrived home. And they had guests. Their voices were loud, they turned on music (although it wasn’t “call the police” loud, it was easily audible through the floor). Constant footfalls were heard on the floor.

Thinking that I just purchased this place, having disrespectful mid-week party animals as upstairs neighbor was about the worst possible scenario. It wasn’t like I could just give my notice and move out.

I was fully awake at this point and judging by the noise level that I wasn’t going to get back to sleep any time soon.

My Options

Here’s the options that presented themselves in my mind:

1. Get up and work
2. Bang on the floor with a broom to send them a message
3. Go and knock on their door and ask them to be quiet
4. Lie in my bed, do nothing, and continue to feel like a helpless victim and get more and more angry
5. Put in earplugs and attempt to back to sleep

None of these five options seemed to be very attractive to me. They had been noisy the night before and I had felt like working, so I worked until 6am, I didn’t want to exchange day for night on a regular basis to accommodate my noisy neighbors.

Banging on the floor seemed a bit extreme, in all honesty it was debatable as to whether or not they were making excessive noise. They were certainly insensitive, but it wasn’t like a full fledged party. It’s my belief that they are just noisy by nature.

When I thought about going and knocking on their door I thought…what about next time? What if they are Hell’s Angels and tomorrow they slash the tires on my car or punch me in the face?

Number four was equally unattractive. I had lived below noisy neighbors before (ironically the last time I purchased a condo) and all that happens is the resentment and anger continues to grow until something snaps or you have to move to regain your sanity.

Number five also felt like coping. I don’t mind using them occasionally (like in a noisy hotel) but I don’t want to train myself to believe that sleep = earplugs.

Feeling Trapped

A complete victim of my circumstances. I began to think that I would never have a decent night’s sleep again. From experience I know that the best thing to do in a situation like this is to relax. Things are seldom as bad as they feel.

As I began to relax a bit I gradually became aware of a more positive train of thought in my head. Essentially a question popped into my mind:

What is it You Really Want?

“For those a-holes to be quiet!”

“For them (upstairs) to become aware that there are other people in the world and to be more respectful of the hassles they are causing others!”

“For the building manager to kick their butts out of here.”

As I continued to ponder the question, it occurred to me that my requests were very limited.

What is it You Really Want?

This time I noticed that my wife had been next to me, sleeping like a baby, the entire time. Then I got the essence of the question. The question was trying to teach me something.

My previous answers were not accurate.

What I really wanted was to be able to be able to get a good night’s sleep, even if there was noise all around me!

I realized that they were not the problem, I was. I wanted to be free from whatever anxiety I had that was keeping me awake in this situation. As evidenced by my wife, there was no real reason keeping me from sleeping in this situation.

Just shifting my focus from the upstairs neighbors to me as the real problem caused me to relax dramatically. I actually began to enjoy the situation as there are few things I like more than learning something about myself and how life works.

No more than 30 seconds later, a huge wave of tiredness swept over me and I rolled over, but the pillow over my head and fell asleep. I didn’t wake up until morning.

Not only did I get a great sleep I had learned a very meaningful life lesson. I believe any problem in life could be solved with this technique. In my experience there are no limitations in life if you will ask for what you really want, from your core.

Duality Does Not Exist

It’s clear to me that there really isn’t any meaningful us versus them scenarios in life. They are simply concepts that we make up to protect us from accepting responsibility. Any time we are hanging on to that concept, we are blocking the flow of creativity and universal aid from our lives. It’s as if the universe simply has no way to connect with us, or help us, when we are holding on to a concepts of competitiveness, adversaries and “others.”

Next time you find yourself in a situation where things are not going the way you would like, try and relax enough to ask yourself What is it You Really Want? in the midst of trying to turn the situation around, and don’t stop asking the question until the answer has nothing to do with the other parties involved.

Then you’ll be in the space of magic and creativity, because it is never about the other person. From international wars to personal relationships the same principle applies; take personal responsibility and the conflict can be gone instantly. Make it about the other person and it will never be resolved.