Essential Grown-Up Skills

Are you a grown-up? No seriously, I see constant evidence that there are very few real grown-ups in the world.

Why are there so few grown ups online?

First a slight diversion courtesy of my wife. She says if you want to see reality, then watch people driving. At your dinner party people will laugh and make jokes and be very cordial with each other; when driving to work, the same people will cut you off, flip you the bird, honk and curse your whole family.

What’s the difference?

At your dinner party, they know they are being watched; in their car, people can believe that there is no consequence to the occasional tantrum…therefore, as my wife says, they let the real person show a lot more easily.

Same Goes Online

People fight, flame and are way more rude and childish than in the the off line world, and…I hate to be the bearer of red pills, but the online version is closer to the truth. We are mostly a world of children, and this fact makes things a lot harder on ourselves and everyone around us.

Four Grown-Up Skills

The four grown-up skills that I are the most useful for success are:

• Not needing to be right
• Letting go of actions based on your feelings
• Relaxing when making decisions
• Honesty

Let’s take a closer look at these one by one.

Not Needing to Be Right

This skill is really a brilliant one. It falls under the age old wisdom of knowing how to pick your battles. I remember when I first got this one, it was like the biggest breath of fresh air imaginable.

It goes something like this: someone says something about you that isn’t very positive and isn’t true and you can simply be fine with him and everyone else that he decides to tell, believing something that is incorrect.

You simply don’t value their opinions, even if those opinions cost you something [like a job]. Never try and change someone else’s opinion, it is a waste of time. Anything other than a lightly held opinion is a waste of time, if you want proof, ask a politician; he’ll waste some of your time.

Just know that you are right [if you are, if not go to the last one on the list] and get on with your life.

Don’t Make Decisions Based on Feelings

My friend, in the last year, has bought 17 apartment units with virtually no money. When I talk to him about how he did it and he tells me the horror stories and difficult things he has to deal with everyday [like having over $1million dollars of mortgages and needing to raise rents on tenants knowing that it may put them out of their homes] it is clear to me that while he is probably scared to hell by what he is doing, he is grown-up enough to continue with his plans in spite of his fears.

This is a tough one for me, but it is essential in business. Even in not for profit companies, decisions have to be based on facts and provable assumptions, not on emotions. It slows me down when I base my business decisions on feelings and it is the cause of many limitations.

Relaxation, Especially When Making Decisions

Decisions create stress. The bigger or more important the decision, the more the stress and the easier it is to make a bad decision.

Relaxing in the midst of stress is a big time grown-up skill. When you feel stressed and you can take the tiniest bit of space to do something as simple as a deep breath, the first thing you’ll often find is that much of the stress is made-up or self imposed by your belief system.

“I have to return that email, it’s been 24 hours.” So what if it’s been 24 days, you’ll return the email when you’ve made the right decision. If you can live with the consequences of going against your own internal pressures, you can relax and consistently make great decisions.

You can transform you life by taking the time to relax and make the right decision, in the midst of internal and external pressure. Next time your mom calls, don’t return the call for 3 or 4 days and see what happens. You can create a whole new relationship by honoring a sense of freedom in your actions and moving against your conditioning.

Honesty

Of course, the biggie is honesty. There isn’t really any other grown-up skill, honesty will lead you to all the rest of the grown-up skills.

In my mind whenever there is a disagreement, then one or both of the people disagreeing are not being honest. If you remember grown-up skill number one, you’ll know then that whether or not the other person is being honest is none of your business.

In any situation there is 200% responsibility. Always forget the other person’s responsibility, it won’t help you. If they confess their guilt it may reduce your pressure to see what part you played in the dispute, but there’s gold in it if you keep looking.

This skill, employing the 200% responsibility principle, is particularly valuable in relationships. Almost always there is fault on both sides, and if you’ll look for, find, take responsibility for and express your mess up first, you’ll often diffuse the tension and inspire the other person to grow-up and be accountable for their actions too.

In any situation of conflict there is a 100% opportunity for both people to learn something about themselves, all they need to do is trade blaming for honesty.

That’s It

There’s my list of grown-up skills. With even one of them, practiced to the core, you’ll be a mile ahead of most of the children on the roads and on the Internet.

They may not make you rich but they will make your life richer.

Jon Symons

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